Thursday, May 10, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
song to the siren.
i forget how much my ED makes me hate myself. i mean, i always do, but it makes me think judgmental, terrible things and i just get even more disgusted.
im not sure how much i weigh. my insurance kicked in a few days ago and i got put on: lamictal, abilify and lexapro. ive been very, very sleepy all the time and my appetite is pretty much non-existent. i felt like i was going to faint earlier and my heart was going crazy. i choked down some food. why does it taste disgusting all of a sudden? all of it, just ... gross.
i need to exercise, but damn, i feel like im gonna drop if i try.
i wonder how much ive lost. ive been winding down on b/ping. i know the number will still be disgusting, so ill wait to weigh for like, ten days. i feel the obsession creeping in, the one where i scour the internet looking to see how much i can lose if i eat this much and exercise that much. ill spend hours looking, tweaking.
a pound a day would be a dream.
im not sure how much i weigh. my insurance kicked in a few days ago and i got put on: lamictal, abilify and lexapro. ive been very, very sleepy all the time and my appetite is pretty much non-existent. i felt like i was going to faint earlier and my heart was going crazy. i choked down some food. why does it taste disgusting all of a sudden? all of it, just ... gross.
i need to exercise, but damn, i feel like im gonna drop if i try.
i wonder how much ive lost. ive been winding down on b/ping. i know the number will still be disgusting, so ill wait to weigh for like, ten days. i feel the obsession creeping in, the one where i scour the internet looking to see how much i can lose if i eat this much and exercise that much. ill spend hours looking, tweaking.
a pound a day would be a dream.
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