shoot down the stars

im sad and out of it. 139 lbs yesterday. i dont wanna talk to my friends. i dont want to associate with anyone unless they understand my eating disorder. cori and robyn are the only ones i feel like talking to.


i want to lose a pound a day and be 110 by the middle of august.


that's what i want.


in october, im going to visit my friends - caleb, kyler, and terrah. then ill probably be going back for a little while with terrah and ill come home by train. i want to be thin by then.

we're gonna have us a champagne jam.

high as a kite. not as skinny as id like. my mom and her boyfriend are going to "let" me get down to 110 lbs/BMI - 17.0.


im going to get skinnier.

today

a lot has happened since i updated last. i went to CPEP, which is an emergency psychiatric ward. i went because i was so sick of my bulimia, so now my dad knows and my mom has been focusing on it more, but i'm not getting better. i don't want to.


my stepdad moved out and went to nevada, which i'm happy about; we moved in with my mom's new boyfriend. i'm happier here. i feel like i can actually go into my own living room now. been playing skyrim.


i wanted to get better so now i'm up a few pounds, decided to go back and lose weight. 


i want my self control back.