california, show your teeth.

i go back and forth on things. restrict, binge/purge.


my sister was in a car wreck but shes ok. great even? her arms busted up but shes smiling and puttin' around the house like usual.


nothing happened to me, i wasnt even there, but ive been better. im gonna listen to my babies in red hot chili peppers and read.

morte et dabo.

11 cuts
not deep enough, never deep enough
havent cut in months
patrick will be so disappointed and he will be so very sad to see yet another layer of scars
everyones doing better
losing weight, getting fit, promotions, having fun, earning money
im stuck
i am stuck and i am sad and the only thing i can think to do right now is CUT
20 cuts
should i tell them
theyll just be disappointed
i want 30, 40, 50 cuts

bring on the mo(u)rning

is it better to cut myself and see the blood and feel better or hold in this self loathing and helplessness for the sake of my boyfriend


IM SO FUCKING STUPID I SHOULD JUST DIE 


what do you do when you hate yourself this much but you cant do anything about it im so gross so gross so gross so fucking gross I WANT TO CUT i cant even talk to anyone at all because im just so worried about coming off as an attention seeker but it just fucking hurts so much to hate myself so hard i just hate everything i am and everything about me and im so stupid so fucking stupid and worthless and lazy and i want to just sleep for a very long time


im just a stupid fucking sex toy i really am just good for nothing there is nothing good about me and anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar i am worthless i am scum i am the worst kind of person and i should do the world a favor and just disappear completely

bat country.

ugh omg. i had some boneless chicken wings, which was okay because i gave a few away. but then i had a taco and a bite of caramel apple empanada. im going to purge and just drink diet coke for the rest of the day. then exercise. its not a huge binge like i would have had maybe a week ago. im doing really well, honestly, with restricting. 


just got rid of it and now i have a headache. tomorrow ill do better. i wanna know how much i weigh without the water weight. i bet im in the 120s again, but i cant be sure. the smaller i get, the more i can breathe.


anything under 124 for me is... well, its still fat but i can deal with it. you know? i really want to see everything under 120. thats unexplored territory for me. i could be there by june.

spider8ite

yesterday was good as far as intake goes. i guess. i exercised. im sore because of that and i havent eaten in like 18 hours but bleh; the reason i havent eaten is because we really dont have any safe foods. ive been surviving on oranges and tuna, and i dont even like oranges; and the tuna is all gone. 


boo.


idk what im going to do. im going to eat today yes but im going to put it off for another hour or two.


i weighed myself today. im like... 10-15 lbs lighter than i thought i was, which is awesome but im still not entirely happy because the number is gross. ugh ive been standing in front of the fridge for like 20 minutes at a time trying to deicde what to eat if at all.


im glad im not bingeing and purging anymore like im REALLY GLAD but its kind of embarrassing and frustrating to spend so much time in front of the fridge nearly at the point of tears


i just want to watch studio ghibli movies and play pokemon. :'(